When should you consider couples therapy?
All couple relationships go through difficult moments. Disagreements, misunderstandings and stages of distancing are part of the natural cycle of a relationship. But there are situations in which conflicts become entrenched, communication deteriorates and emotional connection erodes to the point where the couple feels trapped in a destructive pattern they do not know how to escape.
Online couples therapy is an effective professional resource for couples who need help to improve their relationship but who, due to work schedules, geographical distance or simply for convenience, prefer to do their sessions by video call. As an online couples psychologist, I support couples in the process of rebuilding communication, trust and emotional intimacy.
I am Xènia Capel Salcedo, a licensed health psychologist registered with the COPC under number 14982. I offer long-distance couples therapy using an integrative approach that combines contributions from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, two of the most scientifically validated models for couples therapy.
Most common couple problems
Couples who seek online couples therapy usually present some of these difficulties:
Communication problems
Poor communication is the most frequent reason for consultation in couples therapy. It can manifest in many ways: constant arguments over trivial matters, prolonged silences, inability to express needs without it turning into conflict, the feeling that "we talk but we don't understand each other". Psychologist John Gottman identified four particularly destructive communication patterns that he called the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. If you recognize any of these patterns in your relationship, therapy can help you replace them with constructive alternatives.
Crises of trust and infidelity
Infidelity — both sexual and emotional — is one of the most painful crises a couple can go through. The betrayal of trust generates a traumatic impact that profoundly affects the self-esteem of the betrayed person and the foundation of the relationship. But infidelity does not necessarily have to mean the end: many couples manage to rebuild their relationship through a rigorous therapeutic process that involves accountability, transparency and deep work on the underlying causes.
Emotional distance and loss of intimacy
Over time, many couples feel they have become "roommates" rather than partners. Routine, family and work responsibilities and a lack of quality time can progressively erode emotional connection and intimacy. The person feels their partner no longer knows them, no longer listens to them or no longer pursues them. Online couples therapy helps identify the causes of this distance and recover the lost complicity and intimacy.
Life transitions
Moments such as the arrival of a child, a move, a job change, retirement or caring for elderly parents can put the couple's relationship to the test. These changes require a renegotiation of roles, responsibilities and expectations within the relationship, which does not always happen smoothly. Couples therapy facilitates this adaptation by providing tools to negotiate and communicate effectively during transition periods.
Differences in sexuality
Discrepancies in sexual desire, difficulties talking openly about sexuality and changes in sexual life over the course of the relationship are frequent reasons for consultation. Couples therapy provides a safe space to address these issues without shame or judgment, and to find a balance that satisfies both parties.
How does online couples therapy work?
Online couples therapy follows a structured process that adapts to the specific needs of each couple:
• First joint session: Both members explain their view of the situation. I listen to both perspectives without taking sides and we set the therapeutic goals.
• Individual sessions (optional): In some cases, I hold an individual session with each member to better understand their perspective, their personal history and their needs.
• Joint work sessions: Most of the process takes place in joint sessions where we work on communication skills, conflict resolution, emotional reconnection and the specific topics that concern you.
• Tasks between sessions: You receive practical exercises to do together at home: guided conversations, reconnection activities, assertive communication practice.
Methods I use in couples therapy
As an online couples psychologist, I work with the therapeutic models with the strongest scientific evidence:
Gottman Method
Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is based on more than 40 years of scientific research on what makes couples succeed or fail. The Gottman Method allows us to assess relationship health through objective indicators and to work on specific areas: building "love maps" (mutual knowledge), nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other instead of turning away, managing conflicts constructively and creating shared meaning.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, is based on the premise that couple conflicts often hide unexpressed emotional needs: the need for security, for connection, for feeling valued and accepted. Through EFT, I help each member of the couple identify and express their deeper emotions and needs, creating a secure emotional bond that is the foundation of a healthy relationship. EFT has one of the highest success rates in couples therapy: between 70% and 75% of couples improve significantly.
Advantages of couples therapy in online format
The online format brings unique benefits to couples therapy:
• Easier scheduling: One of the great obstacles to starting couples therapy is finding a time that works for both. Without commuting, it is much easier to fit a session into the calendar of two people with busy lives.
• No geographical limit: Long-distance couples therapy allows me to attend couples where one of the members lives in another city for work, or long-distance couples who need tools to manage their relationship.
• Natural environment: Doing the session from home can make it easier for the couple to show themselves as they really are, without the formality of a clinical office. This gives the therapist very valuable information about the couple's real dynamics.
• Connection from different places: If the couple is in a moment of intense crisis or temporary separation, each member can connect from a different location, which reduces tension and facilitates dialogue.
• Absolute privacy: No one will see you going to couples therapy. For many couples, the stigma associated with asking for professional help is a barrier that the online format eliminates completely.
What is the first online couples therapy session like?
The first session is essential to establish a space of trust and define the working framework:
• Presentation of perspectives: Each one explains, without interruption, how they experience the current situation of the couple. My role is to listen, validate and ensure that both views are heard with respect.
• Identification of patterns: We begin to detect the repetitive negative cycles that fuel the conflicts: for example, "one criticizes, the other shuts down", or "one demands, the other withdraws".
• Setting goals: Together we define what you want to achieve with therapy: improve communication, regain trust, make a decision about the future of the relationship, etc.
• Ground rules: We establish basic guidelines for the therapeutic process: mutual respect, confidentiality and commitment to the process.
Individual sessions vs. couples sessions
A frequent question is whether individual therapy is appropriate in addition to couples therapy. The answer depends on each situation:
• When one of the members has a significant personal issue (depression, anxiety, trauma) that affects the relationship, parallel individual support may be advisable.
• When there is a recent infidelity, individual sessions may be necessary to process the individual emotional impact before working as a couple.
• In general, if the main issue is relational (communication, distancing, conflicts), joint couples sessions are the most appropriate format.
When couples therapy is not appropriate
It is important to point out that couples therapy is not appropriate in all situations:
• Gender-based violence: When there is physical, psychological or sexual violence, couples therapy can put the abused person at risk. In these cases, the appropriate treatment is individual for each of the members.
• When one of the two has already decided to separate: If the decision is firm and there is no willingness to work on the relationship, couples therapy makes no sense. On the other hand, "separation therapy" can be useful to manage the process respectfully, especially when there are children.
• Active untreated addictions: If one of the members has an active addiction problem (alcohol, drugs, gambling), addiction treatment must take priority before addressing the couple's issues.
Take the first step to improve your relationship
If you feel your relationship needs help, do not wait until the situation is irreparable. The sooner you seek professional support, the easier it will be to reverse negative patterns and rebuild a satisfying relationship for both of you.
I offer a free first informational consultation where we can assess your situation and decide together whether online couples therapy is suitable for your case. Contact me on WhatsApp or call me to book an appointment.