What is separation anxiety in adults?
When we think of separation anxiety, we often link it to small children who cry when their parents leave. But this intense fear of being apart from attachment figures also affects adults — and far more frequently than people realize.
Separation anxiety in adults is characterized by an excessive, persistent fear of being away from the people with whom one has a strong emotional bond — whether a partner, parent, child, or close friend. This fear goes well beyond normal longing and can seriously interfere with daily life, relationships, and work.
The DSM-5 has officially recognized separation anxiety disorder in adults since 2013, estimating that it affects between 1% and 2% of the adult population.
Symptoms of separation anxiety in adults
Symptoms appear in three main areas:
Emotional symptoms
- Intense distress when separation is anticipated or occurs
- Excessive worry about the safety of the attachment figure
- Persistent fear that something bad will happen during the separation
- A sense of emptiness or incompleteness when the other person isn't there
- Irritability and mood swings as the moment of separation approaches
Behavioral symptoms
- Avoidance of situations that involve separation
- Constant need to contact (calls, messages) the attachment figure
- Difficulty being alone at home or in other places
- Problems going to work or traveling
- Excessive tracking of the other person's whereabouts
Physical symptoms
- Headaches, nausea, or stomach upset
- Heart palpitations and chest tightness
- Insomnia or nightmares about separation
- Generalized muscle tension
The connection with attachment styles
Separation anxiety in adults is closely linked to the attachment styles formed during childhood:
Anxious-ambivalent attachment
People with this attachment style experienced inconsistent caregiving during childhood. Sometimes their needs were met, sometimes they weren't. This generates constant hypervigilance about the availability of attachment figures and an intense fear of being abandoned.
Disorganized attachment
When the caregiver is at the same time a source of safety and fear (in cases of abuse or neglect), the child develops a confused pattern that in adulthood manifests as an oscillation between an intense need for closeness and a fear of intimacy.
Factors that maintain separation anxiety
- Catastrophic thoughts: "If I'm not with them, something terrible will happen to them"
- Safety behaviors: calling constantly, asking the other person to confirm they're okay
- Avoidance: not going to places or doing activities that involve separation
- Low self-efficacy: the belief that one can't function alone
Psychological treatment
Treatment for separation anxiety in adults is highly effective when different approaches are combined:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps to identify and modify catastrophic thoughts about separation. Through gradual exposure, the person learns to progressively tolerate situations of separation that were previously avoided.
Attachment-based therapy
Working on insecure attachment patterns is essential. Therapy helps you understand how childhood experiences have shaped the way you relate to others and helps you develop a more secure attachment.
EMDR
When separation anxiety is linked to traumatic experiences (losses, abandonment), EMDR can be very useful for processing these memories and reducing the associated emotional charge.
Emotional regulation techniques
Learning to tolerate distress without resorting to safety behaviors is key. Mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques make it possible to manage anxiety in a healthy way.
When to seek help
Consider consulting a professional if:
- Fear of separation is affecting your relationships or your work
- You avoid important opportunities so as not to be apart
- You need to constantly contact your partner or family
- You feel you can't function on your own
- Separation anxiety is preventing you from enjoying life